Wednesday 2 April 2008

A bit of levity

Just found this again in my fun archive...
(The original post including the comments appeared in a newsgroup a couple of years ago.)

The year's best [actual] headlines of 2004:

12 on their way to cruise among dead in plane crash
[Count me out!]

2 sisters reunited after 18 years at checkout counter
[They were definitely in the wrong lane]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Complaints about NBA referees growing ugly
[Makeover time!]

Dealers will hear car talk at noon
[Yes Michael?]

Drunk gets nine months in violin case
[A harsh sentence!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
[It was him or me, your honour!]

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
[They don't half start young these days]

Hershey bars protest
[What would you do if you were about to be eaten?]

Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]

Include your children when baking cookies
[Buy a bigger oven though.]

Iraqi head seeks arms
[Torso not found yet]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Juvenile Court toTry Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Tastes like chicken?]

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years
[Beware of the zombies!]

Lack of brains hinders research
[Or any cerebral activity, for that matter.]

Lawmen from mexico barbecue guests
[Pass the mustard please.]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Lung cancer in women mushrooms
[Something with the spores?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

Man eating piranha mistakenly sold as pet fish
[Give him an aqualung]

Milk drinkers are turning to powder
[Ashes to ashes]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]

Old school pillars are replaced by alumni
[either that, or face unemployment]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Prostitutes appeal to pope
[but not the other way around.]

Quarter of a million chinese live on water
[And bread?]

Queen Mary having bottom scraped
[Count me out]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
[How cruel]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Squad helps dog bite victim
[Add insult to injury]

Stolen painting found by tree
[The Whomping Willow]

Two soviet ships collide, one dies
[The other one lived to tell the tale]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(Can you believe it?)

1 comment:

Majsan said...

Hysterically funny. And remember; when I'm watching blogs I'm not really working so an eventual misspelling is to be expected. As long as I don't teach my students the wrong ones ;-)

*ROFLMAO* I think my students would write. I'll tell you later what it means unless you already know.